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It is hard to believe that one year ago at this very moment I was sitting in a hospital room with my wife. She had just had her epidural put in after enduring almost 14 hours of labor pains. We had been up almost the whole night waiting to see if they were going to let us stay in the hospital or if they were going to send us home. I was emotionally and physically drained. We were tired of waiting. Steph was a week overdue as it was. We just wanted the baby to come into the world and for us to get on with the rest of our lives. We did not know that it would be another 7 hours of labor and waiting until Hannah Grace was born.
Our first year of parenthood has for the most part been great. God showed us grace and gave us an almost perfect baby. She was sleeping through the night by 3 months. She hasn’t had any eating problems like spitting up or allergies. She is a happy baby most of the time. The only challenge has been teething—she now has 12 to 14 teeth. The only real problem has been ear infections, which the doctors have been able to handle, for the most part.
However, the last month has been a month of sickness in our house. I had a sinus infection with a fever for awhile. Then my wife had it worse than I did. About a week later, Hannah came down with the sniffles again. We figured it was teething (remember, 12 teeth). Last week, Hannah woke up in the middle of the night, something she has been doing regularly for about a month. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a normal night. She had the stomach flu. The next 3 days were long and draining for her and for us. A trip to the doctor also revealed that the ear infections had returned. To add to the mix, Steph began feeling sick on Friday. She was down for a couple of days. I got it Saturday night/Sunday, though I was lucky enough to not vomit. Hopefully, we are finally on the mend.
Needless to say, it has been a long new year so far for my family. It has been even longer for me. I again find myself mentally and emotionally drained by all the sickness and the added stress of trying to finish out my Masters of Divinity degree—something that has been in the process now for 7 or 8 years. I feel like I’m sitting in the hospital room again, waiting for things to come that have seemed so long in coming, and in reality, are still farther out with more life and waiting to go before they actually pass. I just want it to be over and move on with life.
The blessing of that long day a year ago is that at around 4:30pm in the afternoon, my daughter came into the world. At that moment, when the doctors and nurses gave her to me to hold for the first time, the previous few days and moments were gone. The waiting, pain, and emotional drain were gone. The waiting was over. There was a new joy, a new reason for living. It is that hope and joy that keep me going today. When I go home today, my birthday girl will be there smiling, clapping, and waiting to sing "Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes". Even greater, I know that our God is with me and carrying me forward today, tomorrow, and the next day when I cannot go it alone. He is our hope, strength, and joy! My prayer is that you and I both will be able to cling to Him with all we have during the bad days . . . and the good. (Psalm 30)
It's been awhile since I actually sat down a blogged my thoughts. Normally, those of you who actually take time to look at this thing get the articles that I have to write for our church newsletter. That's really been the closest thing to reflection that I've had over the last few months. My mind has been focused on other things like my masters thesis--which is presently spread around here on the desk as I type. Tonight is not much different. I don't really have that much to say.
Yet, as I struggle to write on a consistent basis, the flip side of the blogging world is a draw to me. One of the things that I regularly do every day is visit blogs of others to read what is rolling around in their heads and going on in their lives. I feel somewhat guilty because most of them are distant friends at best now. They were close to me at one point or another, but now because of whatever reason, the regularity of friendship is no longer there. To them I am probably just a memory in the past of their lives. Yet, for me, as I read their thoughts, feelings, and whatever else they place in their blogs, I cannot help but feel the excitement of friendship that used to be stirring once again within me.
Now, one would think that if there were a past friendship, things might be done to rekindle the friendship and renew the conversation of life that once used to be. That is something that I long to do. However, for some reason there is a fear within me about doing just that. I wish I were able to fully understand why that is. I think part of it is that at some point in the past, those friendships stopped being friendships for one reason or another. I am afraid that those reasons are still present and that those I would be trying to befriend again would just be annoyed. Maybe its that I know that the closeness of some of those friendships will never be regained, and so I'm not willing to even try to regain anything. Maybe I'm just crazy, and those lives that I peer into on a regular basis would appreciate having friendship return.
I just don't know and I cannot really explain it. I guess I'll continue on as the "peeping tom" that I am and wait for a moment of courage on my part to at least try.
She's been gone from us almost a year now, yet the memory of her is strong today as I sit in my favorite spot in the coffee shop and think about what I want to write for this article. Christmas was always a special time for her. She would always treat us well. We always received a giant box or two of candy from her to nibble on as the cold Christmas days passed. There was also a bottle of cologne or perfume, or some other little token of her appreciation for you that would come around Christmas. The most favorite thing for me was the annual lunch at The House of Ing. It was always enjoyable to sit with a plate of whatever buffet offerings they made that day and listen to her stories about the past, about things she had done or experienced in her life.
Anne Fischell was a great lady. She was always prim and proper when she came to church. She dressed as best she could. She always wore a dress hat of some sort. And she always sat in the same place—way back in the far corner of the old church building. After just spending a few moments with her, anyone could come to realize that she was a feisty, yet classy lady who loved her family and loved her church. She reminded me a lot of my grandmother, who had that same sense of dignity and fire within her personality. Maybe that was just one of the things people picked up that had lived through the rough times in the 1930s and 1940s here in America.
One specific conversation with Anne will stand out far above the rest for me. One time I went with two of the elders to visit her. We were visiting members of the church then to ask them to increase their giving some as we headed into the building project for our current building. As we sat there and talked with Anne, she shared how she didn’t have much more to give, but that she would give a little more. As our conversation strayed from finances, she looked directly at me and said, "I don’t much like your guitar. I would much rather hear a piano and an organ. But, I see the younger people who are coming because of the music style we use at South, and I’m ok with it."
In her words there is much for us to learn. Anne saw past the idea that it's always what I want. For her, it was what is better for them, not me. She didn't have much more to give, especially on her fixed income, but she did. She was one of our most faithful givers. She didn’t so much like the music, but she appreciated it because it was pulling people towards God. She was always there every Sunday, dressed as best she could in respect for God, always encouraging us as we participated in worshipping our God.
As Christians, how often do we let our opinions get in the way of the bigger picture? How often do we think that we should have it the way we want? How often do we get frustrated and pouty when we don’t get our way? Anne lived out the life of Jesus the best she could. She did what she could for her family and her church. She loved those around her. She showed them she loved them and appreciated them by simple things like lunch and chocolates. She was faithful and honest.
As we look to a new year of life, may we learn from Anne and put the life of Jesus more into the living of our lives. May we think and live not for ourselves, but for those around us that God has called us to love—brothers and sisters, friends, neighbors, and our enemies. (Mark 9 & 10, Matthew 20, Luke 6)
Christmas is less than two months away. Soon, most of you will begin doing the normal Christmas things-buying presents, listening to Christmas music, decorating, and possibly even baking and making holiday treats. The holiday spirit will be in full swing. Stores have been working to put you in this mindset already, putting out Christmas trinkets, decorations, and everything else the minute Halloween passed.
I wonder if Joseph and Mary felt a similar excitement and anticipation. They had both been visited by angels who told them that God is getting ready to do something great. As Mary's pregnancy drew to the end, I can't begin to understand how they dealt with it? I remember the emotion that was going through Steph and me as we were getting closer to Hannah's birth. How were Mary and Joseph's families handling it all? God had told them He was coming to earth through the birth of their baby. That was, and still would be, a big thing!
My mind has been chewing on these things since I read through the first part of Luke last week. Luke paints a glorious picture. There is anticipation of the coming baby within the expectant families, scores of angels proclaiming His birth to shepherds, wise men coming from a far because of what they had seen in the sky.
Through all the thinking, my mind always comes back to wondering how long after the birth of Jesus the excitement lasted. Was it like the letdown that always happens after all the presents are open and all the festivities are done. I can hardly imagine that it did. I can only think that the anticipation continued as Jesus did things like taking his first steps and saying his first words. I can see the wonder in the eyes of his parents, trying to figure out how the Son of God was going to reveal himself.
As you go through this holiday season, take time to revel in the coming of our savior in the form of a little baby--helpless and in need of the humanity that he's coming to save. And, when the holiday season is past, don't let the amazement that we have for our Lord to fade away like the spirit of Christmas.
