Peeping Toms

It's been awhile since I actually sat down a blogged my thoughts. Normally, those of you who actually take time to look at this thing get the articles that I have to write for our church newsletter. That's really been the closest thing to reflection that I've had over the last few months. My mind has been focused on other things like my masters thesis--which is presently spread around here on the desk as I type. Tonight is not much different. I don't really have that much to say.

Yet, as I struggle to write on a consistent basis, the flip side of the blogging world is a draw to me. One of the things that I regularly do every day is visit blogs of others to read what is rolling around in their heads and going on in their lives. I feel somewhat guilty because most of them are distant friends at best now. They were close to me at one point or another, but now because of whatever reason, the regularity of friendship is no longer there. To them I am probably just a memory in the past of their lives. Yet, for me, as I read their thoughts, feelings, and whatever else they place in their blogs, I cannot help but feel the excitement of friendship that used to be stirring once again within me.

Now, one would think that if there were a past friendship, things might be done to rekindle the friendship and renew the conversation of life that once used to be. That is something that I long to do. However, for some reason there is a fear within me about doing just that. I wish I were able to fully understand why that is. I think part of it is that at some point in the past, those friendships stopped being friendships for one reason or another. I am afraid that those reasons are still present and that those I would be trying to befriend again would just be annoyed. Maybe its that I know that the closeness of some of those friendships will never be regained, and so I'm not willing to even try to regain anything. Maybe I'm just crazy, and those lives that I peer into on a regular basis would appreciate having friendship return.

I just don't know and I cannot really explain it. I guess I'll continue on as the "peeping tom" that I am and wait for a moment of courage on my part to at least try.