2:00am

Its a little past 2:00am right now. I should be in bed sleeping so I can get up tomorrow and finish my lecture. I actually did some work tonight before meandering in here. I don't feel too bad that its so late, though I'm going to hate myself in the morning.

So much time has passed since my post. Much has happened in those few short weeks. I've said goodbye to one of my co-workers who moved to a different Sr. ministry. Our church has had 3 funerals, 2 special services, and one bonfire. Thats in addition to the normal church stuff like Sunday AM services and Wednesday night programming, and Thursday night rehearsals. Oh, I guess I could throw in Monday night prayer meetings and a monthly elder's meeting.

I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm a bit anxious about the next 4 or 5 months as I help lead South in the absence of a Sr. minister. I'm excited about what is to come, about the possibilities that lie in front of us, though. I simply don't want to go through the time between now and then.

Why is it that we as humans always want something, but yet don't want to go through the work to get there. We want to lose weight, but we are too lazy to really work at it. We know we should eat better, but we lack the disipline to do so. We really should save our money to buy that shiny new laptop, but we "need" it too badly. We need to address these things with so and so, and the hope is that when all is said and done, life won't fall apart. Even greater, we need to ask forgivness from so and so, but we are too prideful and ashamed. So we sit there and act like nothing has happened. We are driven by greed, pride, lust, laziness, and a whole bunch of selfishness. When will it ever stop?

I wish I could say that the church has made itself immune to these things. I wish, but I can't. What really draws the line between church people and the world? I believe its the willingness to get up on Sunday and go to church. Does that really mark church people differently? I don't believe it does. The church is still filled with messed up people who are too sick to want to change and get "healthy" and the church is too neutered to challenge them to get well or help them get well for that matter. Some may think that because they darken the door they are ok. Others might go because they feel guilty about the previous 6 days of life and they feel obligated to go be "spiritual".

Are we ready for a change? What would that change look like? Can we overcome the previous neutering and live with moxie again? Can we actually step away from the mirror and know who we are? Can we live the kingdom lives God has called us too without grumbling and moaning about what I want or need?

I guess I am at a point where I'm ready to live driven by hope and love. I want those things to shape and grow my faith, even when having faith and sticking my neck out is a dangerous thing. I want to put God in a place where he has to move. I don't want to be held back by what we've already done and by fear. In my life right now, fear is the one thing that grips me the most, closely followed by insecurity. (At least those are things that will keep me humble!)

My question to you is this: Are you ready to stop talking and live? Are you ready to stop waiting for what is yet to come without any drive for the now? Let's get busy and live.