Creeped Out

This morning I find myself at my regular table in the coffee shop. It is a place of comfort for me. It is a familiar place. Places and things have a comforting feel to them. Everyone has them. Maybe for you, it is meatloaf. Meatloaf, which I had yesterday at Cracker barrell, reminds me of my early years at home. My mom makes great meatloaf. It was cheap to make, so we had it fairly often. When I have it now, it does more than just fill my stomach. It makes me feel at home and think back to the love I felt growing up. Music has the same effect. If my mind is racing or cannot focus, I grab Rich Mullins' Songs CD or my guitar and find comfort and peace. For my daughter, her Cat in the Hat doll and her Travel Cow stuffed animals are her comfort. They are the things she needs to feel comfortable in bed and fall asleep.

This morning as people made their way in and out of the coffee shop, feeding their caffeine addictions, I noticed a lady sitting in one of the wicker chairs up by the counter. She was just sitting there, staring out the window. It did not bother me at first. I figured she was waiting on someone to arrive before ordering coffee. That is a normal thing that happens here at the coffee shop. But, the next time I looked up from the computer, she was still there, staring. . .Waiting. As I tried not to stare, I noticed she was talking to herself. She was just sitting there, staring out the window, talking. Not just normal talking to yourself, not that that is normal in public--she was talking loudly, like you would to someone else sitting in the chair across from you.

The normal quiet place where I sit, work, and drink coffee was different then. It was "threatened" so to speak by something that was not normal, something that was different, something that made me a bit uneasy.

She sat there for a few more minutes and then went to the counter to order her drink. It was at that point that I noticed the wire dangling from her ear. She was on her cell phone talking the whole time--not just talking to herself.

At the moment I feel a bit guilty. Here I was, taking up public space that I feel is my own (if my table is taken when I come into the coffee shop, I don't stay as long as I usually do because it's just not right. Please don't comment on that, I know I am a mess) being creeped out because something was not normal. What right did I have more than she had to be in here, staring out the window, talking?

There are so many questions and thoughts running through my head right now. Why did I get defensive about space that is not even mine? Why do we take so much ownership in things that are not ours really, to the point that we get selfish with them? When does what I want or what I feel is owed to me become wrong? Many examples come to mind--like road rage. Why do we feel we have more of a right to the road than others do. Why is it that people have to live up to our driving standards to drive around us? What about TV shows? I know people who will rearrange their schedules to make sure they get to watch "their" shows. Within the church, people think they should have "their music" and won't associate with anything that isn't what they want. In relationships, one side or the other will think that they have been wronged because they aren't getting what they want or treated like they think they should be--so they check out.

What right do I have to demand anything? If I put myself in the right perspective--a created being of God the Creator, I realize that I am totally bankrupt in every way shape and form. In that place, what I want becomes lost, and what is for the good of God is found. It is from here that I begin to understand what grace is--the chance to enjoy God's creation and all that is in it in a different light, a light formed by love rather than want. And out of all of it, a desire to help God's creation come to this realization and to bask in it comes, overflowing, like a never ending stream.