Two Opposites

Tonight I sit in a quiet house. Hannah is just in the other room, asleep in her bed after a long day of putting puzzles together, playing with dolls, and watching her favorite shows like Dora and Rolie Polie Olie. Stephanie just went upstairs to bed. I will soon follow, but I need to empty out my head.

It has been a long day with many perpsectives, thoughts, and feelings. This morning I was greeted by the news that my friend Phil and his wife Tiffany celebrated the birth of their second daughter early today. She came into the world at a mere 10 pounds plus. Though I did not get the chance to visit them in the hospital, I have been celebrating with them all day in my heart and mind, just as we have celebrated the last few months as they came through the home stretch of childbirth again. Tonight I am sure they are filled with the joy and excitement of what is to come--the hope that new life brings.

Shortly there after, I drove to Owosso to attend the funeral of a two month old baby boy nicknamed "buddy". He was the newphew of one of my camp students from Rock Lake and the grandson of one of our members at South. His life was drawn short by a choking accident last week. Needless to say, his family was more than stunned and numb today as they celebrated his short life and grieved. I really did not know what to expect today. I had never attended a baby funeral before. I figured it would be hard for me because I'm an emotional guy, especially when it comes to kids. Plus, I didn't know how the family was handling everything. I assumed they would be bitter and outraged at the tragedy that had happened. Yet, all I saw was peace.

Buddy's mom, Lisa, got up at the beginning of the funeral and thanked everyone for coming. She then proceeded to share about how she has been struggling with her faith over the last year or so. Through her tears and deep breaths to keep what little composure she had, she shared how she felt the tragedy was the result of the evil one, to try and turn her away from what little faith she had. She proclaimed that her son was a gift and that her faith and God was strengthened to have even more faith even in light of what had happened.

During the funeral, Buddy's big sister migrated back and forth between grandma and grandpa. She giggled a little during the powerpoint presentation of some of the pictures of Buddy. In the midst of the sorrow and remembering, his sister could still see joy. I would assume that she had no understanding of what had happened and the sorrow that was present in that room.

As I drove home, I couldn't get the thought of having to deal with something like that out of my head. I cannot begin to fathom how difficult what they had to go through over the last week was. It made me think through the last few years of life with Hannah--the things I've experienced and shared with her, and the things I've not noticed and lost.

Today the world is a little less understandable to me. I'm not looking for the answers, and I don't think I want all the answers. All I need is to trust and know that God is where he should be and to be as faithful as I can be so I'm where I should be in relation to him. That and circle of friends who feel the same and love hard even when understanding is missing. Lisa and her family really didn't have all the answers. They were surrounded by those who loved them, and they were full of trust that God was still where he should be . . . and they were ok. They still had peace and joy even in such tragedy. That is the hope I want to bask in every day when life gets hard.

Hold Me Jesus
Rich Mullins

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace