Pointless In The End

Have you ever had a moment where you work hard on something, then change your mind and start over? I've had multiple moments like that over the past couple of weeks. It's annoying to me. Today I took some time to respond to email that had stacked up in my inbox. As I churned through them, I found myself struggling to write and get the details that were needed formed and ready to send. After working for some time, I would just give up because I needed other bits of info that were not available to me at the time. Another example could be my plan for the personal retreat. I had many projects I wanted to do. Instead, some things took longer and a couple of other things came up. I never really got to where I wanted to be, which was ok, but not.

It happened with this post tonight. I was going to write about the last couple of weeks in my life. There has been so much that has happened. Our church finished a 40 Days campaign that was very good. I took a personal spiritual retreat with friends. I got the chance to go to Ohio and spend time with family and friends, and in the process drive for 6 1/2 hours through a blizzard. This week I'm buried under a dinner drama at the church and Christmas preparations. All the while, I'm sleep deprived because of my own idiodicy and because of a sick daughter.

Yet, as I sat here and typed, I couldn't focus my thoughts. Maybe it is because there are too many thoughts there in my mind. Maybe its because I haven't slept as much as I need to. Maybe it is because I cannot focus because of all the stuff going on this week. Maybe it is more simple than that. Maybe I don't have anything profound to say.

I am not empty. I feel more alive in my life right now than I have in months. I see things I need and want to do. I have had the time to read some invigorating things that have really stirred the constant passions in my ministry. While I was away on my personal retreat I had some great conversations with friends about life, ministry, and everything else. The gears in my head are moving at a rapid pace trying to keep up and I can get thoughts out of my head. I simply cannot get two or three to string together into something worthwhile. I cannot get it on the outside. Maybe it is God making me mute, so to speak, so that I will shut up and listen some more.

So, with that in mind I end this post on wasted times that, while good, were pointless in the end.